Thursday, April 14, 2011

Scaredy Cat

I have yet to find a horror move that scares me yet most things in life do.  How is that possible?  I guess maybe because I know movies aren't real.  Sure there are freaky moments in movies but I don't really get scared.  So far the best freaky moment is in the Ring.  The movie as a whole, not so good but the moment the dead chic comes out of that TV... that was freaky awesome!!  I keep hearing Insidious is scary but I have yet to see it so I can judge for myself.

Life though, man that is scary.  I don't like to speak in public, freaks me out.  Back in my school years speeches were the worst!  I would spaz out about them all year long, cause they told us ahead of time when we'd have to do them.  Sometimes I'd even take the fail on them knowing I could make it up through other assignments or extra credit assignments.  Then in college I had a speech class!  Man, that was the worst... nothing but speeches!  I made it through but it was awful.  I don't even like to talk in groups unless I feel comfortable with who I'm with so to get in front of a bunch of people I don't know... jeez, that's just not right! 

Choices you have to make in life are scary.  You always have to wonder if you are making the right one.  Then what if you didn't?  You have to find a way to fix it or make it work.  It takes a strong person to make it through those tough times.  You have your moment to be scared but then you have to change your underwear, suck it up and deal with things.  Yeah, I know some people that just live in their soiled underwear and go through life stinky cause for them it's too scary to change.  I think they may be afraid of what they will actually find if they do change them:-)

Family is scary.  I cut myself off from most of them cause they weren't my kind of people.  Weird huh, since we are blood related and all but it's true.  We aren't really alike, or maybe we are but they just choose to walk on the dark side more than I do.   It's not my immediate family that I cut out however so I do talk to my sister, brother and mom.  My dad died about 17 years ago otherwise I'd talk to him too.  My sister has 4 kids and she lives with me currently.  It's been almost 4 years and this is the 3rd time that she's had to live with me.  She is next on the list to be cut out and that to me is scary.  I've done all I can do for her and she is just plain disrespectful now, her kids are worse.  I'm hoping they will be out this summer but then I worry about what they will do, where they will go and what will become of them.  I feel I need to cut them off to be able to live with things cause what I don't know won't hurt me but then I feel like that's just cold hearted.  It's weird how they can disrespect me and treat me like I don't do anything for them yet I feel in the wrong when all is said and done.  I find that weird and scary.  Scared because I think that when the time comes I won't go through with it and this time a year or more from now they will still be here, my house will be in ruins along with my health and my life!  That is what currently scares me the most so I must remember that and I must not let it happen!!

1 Unleashed voices:

LEA said...

I totally understand about the scary moments of family. I consider myself estranged from my own sisters, and after many years of silence, I tried very sincerely and very hard to reconnect. What I have found in the end is that I have to hold on to the true self core of myself. There is nothing I can do to force them to love me and accept me the way sisters can't change people, and you can't change their perceptions. Emotions get raw, and it's sad...but I have to focus on the life I have been given. It means I "move on". I encourage you to look at the true core of yourself and you will have the answer for what you need to do. Hugs :-)

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